Whirled HeadQuarters Live: The Variety Show for Misfts
Whirled Headquarters has been putting on virtually live (in the almost human like sort of ) events every couple months since 1952, right after we crossed the 37th parallel in Korea, but we're just now getting around to putting some of each show's content on the web. D-oh!
The shows are always supersweetbackbadass fun - a mixture of comedy, poetry, music, photography, oral history, new words, free advice, obscure philosophy, directives from our evil alien overlords, video - and of course, beer. They're held at Sycamore Gallery in Decatur - get on our e-mail list if you wanna be apprised of upcoming gatherings (email us ).
We commenced at more or less exactly 9:18 P.M. We always make a point of commencing, more or less exactly.
Beads of sweat evaporated on waves of joy in the hot late summer air. Everyone who was out of steam when they arrived rapidly re-steamed on the rampant vapors.
This time we had the usual assortment of original HQ content and guest features, the timeline going somewhat as follows:
Short Introduction wherein we dispense with the inevitable
Poem
Poem
Chuck - slide show
Wanda - slide show and poem
Marsha - squirrel on a wire or not
We took a short break and it was really fun. Some people left. Some people showed up.
Poem
Poem
Atlanta slide show - HQ does Atlanta - Through A Goat's Eye
Poem
Poem
Words
Then we mostly stayed there and practied Hab, which is all the fun stuff you get to do before re-hab.
Then we went to Fellini's and kicked it up a notch or a level or two.
brigette bardot and allan ginsberg and godard
ginsberg ganja high
stringing words like pearls
godard watching cinemascope
high on a slow pan
to brigette bardot
emerging from a smoky bed
wrapped in red velvet
draped low in the back
framing perfect dimples
perched on a perfect derriere
girl skin over girl muscle
just begging for a kiss
she is the high priestess
of sexology and teen angst
and i love her completely and utterly
like i love Kathy mozena
in trigonometry and social studies
her short skirt and pink gloss lips
drive me stark raving sexual
I want to pour my life
into her vital syllables
but i never say
one fucking thing to her
but ginsberg is incandescent
he rolls smoke-rings into his voice
his smoke words heating the black coffee
that godard brews in the corner
cigarettes, coffee, long tokes and strong sips
endless conversation
ginsberg and godard and I
talk about trench warfare
nature, pain, blood, diogenes
communism, love, hate, life and art
the magnificent and foolish
mysteries of existence
the need to seduce life
with skill and persistence
so I leave
and walk for miles on a sandy beach
with bridget bardot
we say nothing, we don’t have to
i hold her hand
we collect broken flesh-colored naked shells
we dare the wind to blow harder
and spook skittish sandpipers
she looks at me and smiles
and i know everything there is to know
the bell rings
kathy mozena rises from the seafoam
she exits the classroom
nothing at all between us but
a poem, a movie, allan, bridget, wisdom
and a giant deafening hardon
I Am Clavin's Child
clavin the man child is our sugar man daddy
we give him twenty bucks american
to write it all down
write the shit down we says
we hand him the book and the pen
and he says i can’t write
on this stinking yellow pad
so we gave him rose colored glasses and a purple pen
so we told him to let loose
spill with the purple prose
and he says i can’t write while i’m talking
the answer is obvious
we work so hard, down low on the folio
drink 16 oz. pabst with big mac daddy child man
it’s good work if you can get at it
we drink and talk and laugh
and suggest he shut the fuck up
make him write down all the flaming details
all stuffed together
then he says i talk better than i shutup
here, i’ll buy the beer and talk. you write.
we keep talking but he talks more than us
because now we have to write it all down
we write a chapter on our fantastically bad
financial decisions
our milieu, it turns out, is rich with poverty
we write a partly real profile
of professor eddy von mueller
as cynical as they come he does
but he cuts a nice jib, yes he does
jibe
with fedora and cane, chin leading, eyes darting
we pen a scathing review of beta vs vhs
and record a live heart-first interview
with clay the human heterosexual invertebrate
who makes chaos outa chaos and performs naked
with a heart of gold
we write a screenplay for a movie
about an unusual list
and the girl
who wrote it all down
starring clavin the man child
he told her it might be a good idea
Beeroids
beeroids are injectable capsules
with beer liquid in them
a pint reduced to a wee capsule
a bubbly yellow phizzy alcohol
cold as the arctic circle
a crisp frosty wintry
almost frozen, frothy
capsule
no one needs a beeroid
but!
beeroids go straight to the
lack of the invisible problem
beeroids add to the absence of a condition
or location
assuming the position is unknown
beeroids broker a friendly mind thing
beeroids
produce a more personable and real
unified total being.
Ness.
beeroids pump up the volume
nothing is too loud, too rich
or too unheard of
beeroids are great,
beeroids are charming
we should study the
beeron
the smallest indivisible unit of a beeroid
study it in excruciating detail
why it does
what it does
who it does
and what
is that unique person’s phone number
further research is indicated
we should try to find out
whether a beeron
can ever truly be destroyed
since the birth of a new beeron
inevitably follows the demise
of one that has just been consumed
the major question
the major unknown about the beeroid is . . .
the actual real absolute question is
is it the guy . . .
or the beeroid?
Lucida Sans Unicode
the default font is times new roman
i’m really not a big fan of times new roman
times new roman – it stumbles across the page
like a sailor on shore leave
stove up, too much stiffassedness
give me abadi condensed ultra light
or goudy stout or braggadocio bold
or verdana smooth italics
arial bold helvetica uncondensed
these fonts buzz, hum, slide
purr and vibrate
curl across the page
like wood shavings
from a sharply honed plane
but i must tell you
lucida sans unicode ,
now there is a seductive font
she is a quick mistress, lucida
she is the font of wind-blown skirts
in the dry 26 letter
lmnopq alphabet desert
lucida
is the oasis
a powerful thing happened to me recently
silently beating on the door of my heart
changing my life delicately, invisibly
like being born on another continent
eating your first moon pie
drinking rc cola with elvis by moonlight
touching kathy mozena’s soft skin
wildly electric, safe and dangerous
a powerful recent thing
not as nerve-wracking
as falling off a hundred foot cliff
into a used razor blade junkyard
no, it was more recent than that
changed my life
not my regular life
not my regular vocabulary
I simply can’t say
exactly what it is
or
what was
or
what changed
it’s all i talk about
it’s like being a book
printed with a new font
and somehow
the story changes
I Found a Hundred and Thirty-Two Dollars
i found a hundred thirty-two dollars that i hid for myself in 1989
wild mad money forgotten and found by me, lucky me
i spent a fair amount of it on myra’s pizza by the slice
yesterday a loud smelly edgy yet annoying guy there
announced from the twinkie aisle
that myra the owner of myra’s pizza
was high on crack
myra just handed me my slice
i really do think that weird crazy guy
displayed a remarkably bad attitude
and a heart small as a mummified boisonberry
i found a hundred thirty-two dollars that i hid for myself in 1989
if I had found it a hundred and thirty two years from now
and factored in inflation
it’d be worth about two million smackerbacks, I can’t wait
i’m gonna buy thirteen sun gleaming silver airstream trailers
and thirteen v-6 gremlins to drag the shiny trailers
up one side and down the other, across the continental divide
and thirteen friends pounding the throttle
tryin’ to keep up with me
me flying free in my new chevron bentley algonquin v-12
all leather kick ass convertible with dual quad apparati hoses
i found a hundred thirty-two dollars i hid for myself in 1989
go i ! i say to i , go! i really did that? yes, i did ! go i !
what great good fabulous money. i love 1989, i love this money !
i love i because i’m so rich!
beer money! fun money!
unexpected thrill money
that’s spent wildly
on silk socks
bow ties
bungie jumps
dry humps
and exotic buds
not a single cent
on cell phones
or georgia power
dental life insurance
or premature emission inspection
i found the money
or my money found me
it’s good money
i love the money
and i love me now that I’m rich
now that i think about it
they never said it would make
all that much sense
they were right
now that i think about it
next time i get a hundred thirty-two dollars
i’m gonna sock it away
far far away money
Dr. Dillman, DDS
My HMO dentist said
fifteen minutes every night
while you’re watching Law & Order
or reading Raymond Chander
or assembling the explosives
just fifteen minutes
floss first, then brush, mouthwash, then rubber tip
that’s all you got to do
just fifteen minutes or 900 seconds
whichever comes first
easy for you to say, Dr. Dillmon
its my mouth full of steel and gauze and
an air sucking tube
his large strangely delicate
yet smelly fingers, probing
nowhere to look except sideways
into dr. dillman’s small porcine eyes
uh-huh i grunted
agreeing with him
I’m simpatico on the transient issue
of a dominant cultural hegemony
bigger than the tri-lateral commission
or the bilderbergers
amazingly, i actually say all that
through the loathing and the dry cotton plugs
over the gurgle of the suction tube
the vast quantities of spit
an open mouth produces
running down over my jaw
i’m actually paying for this too
the dentist is way too happy
i hate him
ahhhhhhsoolle, I try to say
but Dr. Dillman just smiles and nods
in my narcotized state
I dream of a race of people
Who talk with their hands
In each others mouths
A way of mutual understanding
Common practice
The words are slurred but
The meaning is clear, direct
“this may hurt a little” breaks
my reverie
dr. dillman, dude,
i don’t watch tv every night
there’s no telling what I might do
I might just might be really out there, y’know?
Doing some thing, or just drinking beer
early morning is when i read
dental hygiene is way beyond the pale
off the radar
a milky way away
it’s all I can do
to deal with gravity
and space
and time
and what I fondly refer to , as
my “impersonal reality”
in the process of which
I might get lost
in the bosom of the almightiness
gallop thru elysian fields
be moved to pick up a pen
And lend some vice to the verse
Savvy? Comprende? Verstehen sie?
“Doctor Dillman”?
